Some History
After struggling with depression and anxiety since middle school,
I finally recieved my diagnosis early the year (2003).
I'd seen a multitude of doctors over the past twelve years.
All along we were trying to figure out what was wrong with me
and what the best course of treatment was.
I went to see a
psychiatrist for the first time in fifth grade.
Then several bouts
of treatment with antidepressants by our family doc in eigth and
ninth grades, along with seeing two or three different psychologists.
Took a few years off of therapy between having sex for the first
time and having a baby at seventeen.
Several more counselors
over the next 18 months- a social worker for me who worked on
a sliding scaleand then later a counselor who worked for U of
M, Flint. We moved across country in May of 2000.
This time I see another general practicioner. Antidepressants first,
then eventually yet another therapist- a woman psychologist this
time. I go to another physician in the Fall of 2002.
In 2003, my illness was at a boiling point. It was absolutely
critical that I get appropriate treatment, but that seemed almost
impossible. I called dozens of offices to try and get seen by a
reasonable psychologist and/or psychiatrist. The second counselor
that I interviewed (not a psychiatrist OR psychologist) seemed a
good fit for therapy. I had found a psychiatrist to see, but he
sucked big time. D.E. hooked me up with Dr. Bruce, who finally gave
me an accurate diagnosis.
And the Diagnosis is...
Biploar 1 (rapid cycling) with
Generalized and Social Anxiety Disorders and a history of Panic
Attacks. For the most part, none of that was a huge suprise for me.
I wanted to believe it wasn't true, but I knew in my heart that was the
case. In a way, it was a relief to have my suspicions confirmed and
feelings validated. Now that I knew what my problem was, I could find
a way to deal with it.
What does that mean?
Well, lets break it down...
Biploar 1, rapid cycling
Bipolar Disorder might be seen as a spectrum in it's intensity.
I have Bipolar one, which means that my mood ranges from Manic to
Depressed. I'm rapid cycling which means that I generally have at least
one full blown manic phase a year, plus at least either three or four
other phases- either moderately or severely depressed, hypomanic, or
mixed state.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
This is pretty self explainitory. I generally have anxiety. Cognitive Behavioral therapy helps with that immensely!
Social Anxiety Disorder
People are scary!
History of Panic Attacks
Help! I'm going to die/ pass out/ throw up!
My Treatment Plan
Because I was breastfeeding and the particulars of my illness,
Dr. Bruce was unwilling to medicate me for the time being. I assured him
that although I had suicidal thoughts, I had NO intention of following
through on them. So he agreed to give it a month while I weaned off
my antidepressant. The theory was that they were making me cycle
harder and faster than I would otherwise be doing. Since he specializes
in alternative treatments, he did muscle testing and a estoric centering
for me before I left. Over the next 6 + months, Dr Bruce, DE and I
developed some Vital Tools for keeping my mood disorder (mostly)
under control.
Diet
Little to no caffine, sugar foods, MSG, or artifical sweeteners. Lots of whole, primarily unprocessed foods.
Exercise
Get that body moving! Endophines are your friends!
Therapy
Cognitive behavioral therapy, done "correctly" can help SO much. It's not all in your head... But it is. But not really. It's all in how you think of it, you know?
Routines
I hate them, it's true. I'd rather let myself go with the ebb and flow of my moods. But I know now how much trouble that can get me into. "Going" with a manic episode can push me too far and it doesn't take long before I crash and burn. Ignoring basic stuff that really needs to be routine can push me over the edge into a serious depression. The bare bones have gotta be done, and there have to be rules to stop me from going overboard. I've learned a lot from the FlyLady.
Support
Lots of choices here. Understanding friends and family, support groups, and talk therapy are all very important.
Sleep
Lack of sleep is bad. Sleep 8-10 hours a night and set a regular bedtime. It's hard to do, but most things worth doing tend to be.
Herbals and Homeopathics
I take a variety of different herbs and homeopathics at different times and for different symptoms. Sometimes my choice is valerian, a herbal tincture, to help me sleep. For intense anxiety, I may take Rescue Remedy, a homeopathic combination of flower essences. There are about 5 other Bach's flower essences I reach for from time to time. They help more than one might guess.
So where am I now?
As my friend Peter calls it on his webpage, I am currently in a lucid
interval. I work hard at taking care of myself, following my treatment plan, and I see my therapist and psychiatrist often.
I have my good days and my bad days, but it seems that the worst of it is "in remission." It's my hope it stays that way.
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